Enduring through low point of life

Gonna send out the documents to Temasek poly today!

I pray hard that I will get a placement.

Was at mum’s place yesterday and enjoyed a few rounds of mahjong with sis and mum=D  Sis getting married in Oct and many preparation to be done these few months. She is looking forward to having her own family soon. and of course she is planning for her bb right after marriage. Gave her some experiences I had in family/marriage life but sort of diff because she gets the normal route to the next phase of life. Apply BTO, get married, move in to new house and get a baby. For me is the other way round, Have baby, get married, apply BTO and move in to new house. LOL!!!

Hubby and I got married about 1 year after we got together. Which means I was pregnant after 6 months tgt. Crazy right?! I felt that I must be crazy when I am only 16 years old. LOL!!

Recently got to know that one of my friend got pregnant with her long relationship boyfriend. CONGRATS man! Age seriously doesn’t matter, it depends on our own maturity. I believe she will have a great time ahead creating her own family. And my prayers will be with her and her little one :)

As the post title says, I am trying my very best to stay positive with all the endurance needed for the current situation. Trying to make the best out of the worst situation.

I believe as a woman, it is ok to go through rich and poor with my family. I just need the man to be supportive and to go through all these in harmony. Most family bonds broke because of financial difficulties, quarrels, fights between the 2 adults often begins with $$$$$. I try my best to prevent simply cause I came from a family with this bloody problem. And it seriously made a damn big impact in my life.

I don’t believe in fairytale. Those looks-like-perfect relationship only happens in drama.

Contacted one of my old customer who is a property agent to check out for my friend. Surprisingly he still remember me! I did his mum’s place 3 years back and he came back to me when his got his own place but too bad I was not in the industry already.

I am a person who enjoys knowing people from different walks of life. It made my connections wider and boosts my knowledge and communication skills. Hubby said to me before my mouth is non-stop kind. LOL. I can talk about everything under the sun. and i love doing it.

Now, when I am not able to do so, I BLOG!!! When you have so much words to say, the best thing to turn to is my computer. Adriel and Beldon is too young to understand what I am talking to as well. Big Thanks to the good people who gave me the IMAC. I believe apple captured an alien, it is amazing! LOL.

Still waiting patiently for my AHG letter from HDB to sign the agreement of lease. once we collect keys in 2018, the rental unit will have to return to hdb within 4 months. its quite rushing for me i feel. lol.

Neighbours here are good and it is quite convenient with lots of shops just opposite my current flat. Hopefully punggol will be as convenient huh. With e shopping centre near to the development I chose ,it is definitely a plus point.

We chose to give up on the previous one we balloted back in 2011, Waterway Ridges. Given the income that time we had no grant no cpf contributions. Monthly instalment is almost 1.3k for a 4 room flat. We got a good queue number and paid the deposit before cancelling.

Luckily we did not sign the AOL that round, if not we will need to pay 5% of purchase price!!! and it is almost impossible to service the mortgage loan given the current situation and it will strain us out slogging through that 30 years.

Changing to a 3 room flat with grants will only require less than 50% of what we are going to pay for the 4 room. Gonna be much smaller but i believe we can make do with it.



I saw a photo in FB which I nearly fainted. I was so DAMN BLOODY FAT!! This is taken in 2011.

And

this taken in bkk 2011

Slightly better in 2012

And finally much more better now

Ok i admit the last photo is edited with lightings. BUT 没有 EDIT FACE HOR!

I look much like a human now. I gave birth in 2009 to beldon. HOW THE HELL DID I GET SO FAT AFTER 2 FUCKING YEARS OF CHILDBIRTH!!

When i was so tempted to cook maggi at 12am yesterday, I saw these pics and I gave up the idea, went to sleep. because I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT PIG LOOK!

This is how hubby and i look like in 2006. Im 16 and he is 22. how time flies right. if only i get get back to the 16-year-old figure. Hubby looks so young too!! he is ageing fast now because of the stress lol!

enough of pictures of me. LOL!

lets see the kids photo to bring back e appetite for today’s dinner

想当年我们驾的马赛地。。。

LOL. i think hubby will miss that period of time:)


Endurance while struggling. making the best out of the worst=D

Stay positive everyone!

Signing off,
with mixed feelings
2.39pm

Charging forward to my dream

Congrats to my dearest Serene on passing her exams!! one big step forward to pursuing her dreams! and also hy graduating from NAFA.

 Although we wasted the initial part of our studying-life in sec school, doesn't mean that we are not able to excel. Life isn’t a bed of roses for us, but we put in all our effort for a better future. we don't have the privilege to study and NOT working. we don’t have the means to just enrol ourselves into an overseas college. we slog through and to be financially independent while pursuing studies. we should be proud of ourselves right! LOL

 I decided to apply for diploma at TP which will be commencing in Oct. took me some effort to persuade hubby for his consent. or probably argue should be a better word. lol. some rules he set upon before he gave me the support. and mama will be looking after the kids at my own house when i have my lessons. but again, i will still be waiting for the offer letter after i submit my particulars. I believe God will have it all planned out for me.

 “Do not let fear become the obstacle of your life” Because of this sentence, i decided to charge forward to what I am afraid of. I was taken aback by the thoughts of studying. I do not know whether will I be able to do it given the ability now. I cannot afford to fail and remodel, not even a single subject. it will take me 2.5years to complete the diploma and hopefully everything will be good.

 I was watching the testimony of Huang guo lun, a taiwan artiste, and i realise no one is too late for chasing our own dreams. IF YOU NEVER TRY, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.

 will be registering Adriel to primary school next month. parents of his classmates envy my age as they are 12 years older than me on average. But i told them, there are many sacrifices when you have your kids at a young age. for me, it was 17years old when i am pregnant with Adriel. Seriously, the road is NOT easy at all. Thank God I managed to walk through all these years.

 Signing off with a determined heart, 12.20pm

Beautiful Sunday

Boss is working today so here i am at home with the kids. Yesterday night had a good session at church with a real funny speaker. the title of the sermon was " how to live with a husband who is so weird". LOL. it got me thinking through the night to improve on my marriage-hood.

Submissive to husband is not inferiority or passivity. I FULLY AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT. And Man always want woman to look inferior to boost their own self-esteem.

 The speaker shared about what a husband/partner needs. Put it simple, they just need encouragement and support. For eg. When e man comes home with a problem, we will always say " you see la, i tell you already. blah blah blah". this will spoil the communication between both parties. Agree or no? 

anyway, i believe all man needs some kind of encouragement and support no matter how strong they are. when they come home with a problem, we think of a solution together and not trying to reprimand them for the things which already happened. the speaker add on, of course is not that we turn a blind eye to all the mistakes our partner does. we just have to talk at the right time with the right tone.

 yeah, sometimes when man have affair outside. it is not necessary that the adulteress is prettier or sexier, perhaps she can be the worst looking woman on earth. but she is able to give the man the feel of his own self-worthiness which at home he will be facing the mother-like-wife who pull them down whenever they can.

 Speaker said: woman, respect your husband/partner. Men, love your wife. I agree no more with this statement. Love and respect is mutual. I believe if a man loves his partner, she will definitely give the deserved respect.

 Having said that, I am no saint to perfect my marriage-hood.but rather, to improve it as we goes along. Having strong thoughts to go back to study. targeting at diploma in BA at TP. need a serious discussion to see what hubby thinks of this as well. there are many areas which need to be taken care of before i can squeeze out the time.

 Because i am a stay-at-home-mum doesn't mean I'm free LOL. instead, it is often a busy day for me. And having someone to take over my roles for 3 evenings a week isn't easy. hope discussion with hubby will be a fruitful one. I am suspecting my ability to study now. LOL. thats why the hesitation on the idea for studying. Its been donkey years since I had an exam, i wonder if the brain will function properly.

 Moving into a new house of our own after 8years of marriage was not an easy task. Thank God there are many helpful friends around us who gave us support, the encouragement, the gifts and the help. You guys will never be forgotten *smiles*

 Finally it seems that I am settling well emotionally. Initially, it feels strange with just e kids and me most of the time. because back at my mum's place, my sis and mum are around quite often. After awhile, i got used to it and a new lease of life begins! LOL. having our own place definitely boosts the communication between hubby and me.

 Signing off with lots of love, 2.29pm

back to blogging

I was looking for my labour story and dig out this full-of-spider webs-blog. Reading through all the posts since 2007,I am full of emotions. There are just so much Ive been through and I didn't even realise I was that strong! LOL

 Decided to make the blog public accessible. and of course back to blogging frequently. At last 10 years later, I can read back on my own post and its like going through a memory lane. Blogging with a different situation now. back to stay-at-home-mum role taking care of my two little ones. previous business closed down and bye-bye to all the extravagant lifestyle.

 hubby got himself a down-to-earth job taking home a humble pay every month. If i were to ask myself will i miss the lifestyle in the past, i would say not all but just some. I miss the times where we don't have to worry about where our next meal will be. having more than enough every month instead of just making ends meet now. But again, having more than enough doesn't mean rich. e more u have, e more u spend.

 Ive been through the ups and downs of life and indeed it make me stronger every time. I STRONGLY believe that there will be a chance for us to leave poverty very soon. and we will be able to do it!! As for now, we just have to keep a healthy mindset, taking whatever is coming. good thing is I'm blessed with the current relationship with my hubby and the kids. been a homemaker for 1.5years and the kids are growing much healthier with stronger family bonds.

 But then again, I believe e man will want to excel more in his life. probably the time isn't right yet. 

the failure this time round is a painful lesson and a having big impact on my life. BUT but but. I am not going to bow down to fate or whatever u call it. I have never give up on myself again just waiting for the right time. slowly clearing the debts one by one. although it seems to be never-ending.

Im holding on to that day which we are debt-free. always have the strong urge to head back to workforce but the situation doesn't permit. I will endure another 1.5 years when the kids will be in primary school!!

 its june holidays for the kids and I'm basically rotting at home almost everyday *CRIES*

My 1st operation

Decided to pen down my wisdom tooth operation experience:)

It all started with my lower left jaw having swollen gums and inflammation. After bearing for few days, I went to a dentist(phobia!!!) to have an XRay. And yes it is wisdom tooth growing in a wrong direction. Another good news is that it is super near the nerves and normal dentist can't get it done. I need to go to a specialist or hospital.

Decided to take out all 4 at once with GA.

Reached Alexandra hospital at 7.30am. Did some documentation procedure and head over to my ward. Changed to surgerygown, took out all jewellery and head to 3rd floor. Where the op theatre is.

The oral surgeon came explaining to me about all the risk and blah blah blah. Risk was 1percent. Meaning 99% safe. After that proceed to the op theatre and hubby went off. The Anaestetist came in as well. I was super nervous once I lie down on the operating bed. Total nurses about 10. 1 oral surgeon and 1 anaesthetist. How not to nervous!!

The anaesthetist then find my vein at hand to insert the needle with rubber tubing. Again, my phobia. Luckily he was v skillfully. I seriously don't feel any pain at all. By this time there are machines stickin on my chest area, hand and blood pressure monitoring.

He then took a super big syringe of white milky liquid and start to insert into my vein. The nurses told me she will later give me something to breathe in. Abt 30secs after the liquid was injected into me, the anaesthetist asked" do u feel sleepy?". I remembered my eyes was closing when I answered back "ya". And then straight away knock out.

When I woke up I am already at the recovery room. The nurse woke me up. And here my nightmare begins!!!!! My GA wears off totally!!! And I was in great great pain. My tears flowing and I can't talk. It feels like someone is taking a knife to cut my mouth. I used hand signal to let the nurse know that Im in pain. Anaesthetist then came back to inject me with dunno what and insert pill through behind.

I'm still in pain. Was being tortured for 20mins. Then they pushed me to my ward for me to rest. By then I felt much better. I was still on drip AT that time and my mouth was super numb. The feeling sucks to the core.

I slept on and off while waiting and nurses came to wash my mouth and change the gauze inside my mouth regularly.

About 1plus the oral surgeon came. He told me just now when the white milky substance was injected to me, my heartbeat race super fast!! To an extend it was a dangerous situation. They thought that I'm allergic to the drug and nearly wanted to call for emergency. Until I fell asleep and it went back to normal. It was just me nervous. Hahaha

He also mentioned that normally after GA the patient will not feel pain still. Normally will continue sleeping. I'm one of the rare one who experience severe pain once I woke up.

After that prepare for discharge le! Requested to bring home my wisdom tooth and packed my things. Bill came up
To 1.9k and they will send me a bill by 4 weeks time. Waited for Hubby till 3pm an he fetch me home.

Reach home eat medicine and off I went to bed. The medicine is super drowsy. After eating sure need to sleep.

Today is the 1st day after op. Woke up with a hamburger face and super pain mouth. Straight away eat medicine and now drowsily lying on bed. Yesterday ate few mouths of porridge, few mouths of meesua and half cup of ice Milo. Today dunno what to eat!!!

To be continued....

Friends

Again, this is a wordy post.

Some happenings between my sistas and I got known of it yesterday. I hope things doesnt sour anyone of our friendship:(

We are turning 21 this year and it isnt a short route to today. We pontang classes tgt, we have our reccess time tgt, we quarrel with people, we cry tgt, we go through ups and downs. No amount of money can buy us all these memories. Even until today I'm married, I still keep in mind that I have my sistas around me and the memories and happenings we had together. Of course, we dont spend so much time like before, but once we meet up, we dont feel stranger at all and yet pour out all our sorrows and happiness and GOSSIP! hahaha.

I dont feel like seeing out clique having short of anyone else. (though i always put aeroplane, my soul is still with u guys!) LOL. I only have sistas which is countable by 1 hand. I hope u guys treasure each other well too:)

Of course, Im in no position to comment about the issue happening now. But what i hope is seeing things like before. To my dear sister, S , whatever you do, you know i will respect you, but please open your eyes big big k? I guess you know what's happening now, its just that you are running away. But whatever it is, most imptly is that you are happy, good enough. its just plain advice on my part. Real sorry that I didnt have much time to talk or meet u as I really have busy work schedule. I do hope you take good cares of yourself.

Anyway, i hope all lovers in the world can you qing ren zhong chen quan shu.

Signing off,

Lina

Sigh..

Again. I only blog when I'm sad, angry or upset...

Let's talk about today. A fucking day I've been through.

Early morning, my mum scream at me the moment I open my eyes. How nice to begin the day with. Her normal days of going to temple is only on wed night, Lunar 14th and 30th. And today, being a thursday, she said she have to go and sign some documents. And that was like last minute notice when I'm having customers at 7pm. WTF!! Ok, I quarrelled with her and she insisted on her way. What to do? When she ask me "去找别人带啦！＂。I LAN LAN! Was very pissed off, and waiting for hubby to reach home and fetch me to golden mile, to meet a customer who is going to sign deal.

Was "welcomed" with a not-v-happy face of his. And along the journey, I was v upset, did not talk or say anything. I suppose he did not realize. Quite disappointed that he didn't realize I am very troubled and unhappy. At that moment, I felt so lonely.....

Upon reaching customer, I need to throw away all my emotions, put on a smiley face and act as if I'm v happy. Fuck it. It was a long discussion of 2 hrs. But still, my customer signed the deal. During the 2 hrs, Hubby went off to do some stuff and ask him to do something, kena fucked. 1 hr later, he called and ask me how long more I will take. I told him 30mis more. So he waited at the carpark for the last 30-45 mins. Kena F again. How great!!!!!!!

This time round, he is pissed off. Went to geylang eat handmade noodle for lunch at 3pm. Upon reaching, he sat down, took money from him ask him what he want to eat. I can't hear him due to the noisy surrounding and his soft voice. I said "huh?" Kena F attitude again.

5pm I have another customer. On the way going, keep calling and answering phone. When we are reaching desination, kena shout again.

Reach home, night time, I was on my com working, shouted and ask me to give Adriel and beldon eat Chinese medicine bought from Yu yan SENG. This time round, I SHOUTED back. Ok. Beggining of war. Given a man's fucking ego, this is sure to be a big fight. Indeed. It was.

I've told him, I shout at my mum, I kena F, I shout at him, kena F. Then who can I shout at!! All of u only know how to scold me. I cannot scold back, because I never scold back de. I mean humans have a level of tolerance. You all can't expect me to always swallowing down. At home, I need to 忍， outside customer I also need to 忍.. Find me a psycharist then!!!! I think I would need one. Very soon.

Anyway, I'm here lying on bed while he is sleeping. I know I got to apologize anyway. Sometimes I apologize doesn't mean I agree with you. But more to give and take, there ought to be someone giving in, if not how long will this cold war be? I believe alot of ppl disagree with my philosophy. But wait until u get married and then you will know how impt is ur family.

If I knew that by shouting a few words will cause such chaotic mess. I would hve swallow the words down.

Sometimes I find the poorer days have one kind of happiness which I miss now...

I feel like seeing a psycharist now... The stress is killing me.....

Hectic week...

I'm lying on the bed blogging. With the lights off and cooling aircon. Time now is 427am. And I need to wake up at 6.30am. Ah!!!!

It's going to be a very busy saturaday for me. Customers from 7am to 7pm. Without break time! Sunday got customer summore. Omg. This is killing me....

Anyway, it's good to have more work=more money. I'm turning 21 in just 6 more months. And I need to buy a house. How great!!!

Trip to Malaysia last month wasn't what I was anticipating all along. I was so eager for that short trip till I couldn't sleep the night before. The best things about the trip should be visiting ah gong, Going on a plane after donkey years and shopping in duty free shops in airport. Did I mention I bought 20pieces of SK2 mask at a freaking price of 190SGD?? OMG. I was damn happy. Back to Malaysia, Hubby and I was eating and eating evry day. The most boring thing is to wait for ppl to fetch us with car etc, it is not like sg where transport is so damn easy. And not to mention the law and order comparing to sg.

After staying at Malaysia for that 4nights, I really miss Singapore. On the 1st night, I miss my kids alr. And then it was so boring that I told Hubby we should have cut short our trip.

I feel that I am really an alien when comparing to Malaysia girls(I mean those who stay there for long). I waste food(just like serene), I hurl vulgarities and I smoke(just like Huiyu), I don't like to do housework (maybe like all of my sistas?), I drink. And I see alot of them are like so damn fucking good. I feel that I'm perfectly normal when comparing to my sistas. But over there, I feel like I'm out of place. Example, I was at coffeeshop, then I took out a ciggy to smoke, all the aunties were staring as if I got a shit on my head. I related the incident to hubby's cousin, and guess what. He said: " 女孩子抽烟一定很多人看的ma＂. I'm like WTF? In Singapore, you see all woman of diff levels smoking like crazy.

I told Hubby too, if Ahma ask me to do housework he will do. Hahahahaha. Say I'm pampered if u wan la, I don't give a damn. The reason is to enjoy myself and relax. Not go there to strress myself! Anyway, ahma asked Hubby whether I know how to cook. Hubby straight answer"she dunno how to cook!". Well done Hubby!! Haha.

One more thing, hubby's uncle said, elderly is always right. They are the 长辈so we must listen to them. I beg to differ. I must say that is not they are always right. But of course we have to respect them, not to the extend of following what exactly they say. Humans tend to make mistakes. So how do u say that he or she will be always right? I feel that the man there are more ego, maybe is because the education system or was it a tradition?? Hmmm...

If I'm god, I would have created all men without ego.

I conclude that I'm still suitable city lifestyle. Kill me if you want me to stay there.

Now I'm thinking of going to bkk. Jetstar Sale is here. And is freaking cheap. But Hubby don't seem to have the intention of going though. We shall see la. Because of the mal trip, I worked through the night for 3 days. If I'm gg to bkk, then I think I need to do that again!!!!

Ok. I'm going to sleep now.

Night peeps.

Signing off,
Lina
453am

TGIF

again. fucking tired.

how come things are not going smoothly!! i guess this is the path when you are doing business. tend to be unlucky at times when things start to screw up.

"there are damn lots of huge obstacle when we just carved out. what's this man!" I consoled myself.

sometimes i wished the money can drop from the sky. and i can enjoy myself to the max.

but i know, i need to work hard, to get out of poverty. which means, having only maggi or 2 fucking bucks for the whole family meal. buying milkpowder when it is just the last feed left. searching all over the house to look for any diapers. drooling saliva when passing by restuarants.

but Ironically, those times were kind of happier. at least over a special event when we get to dine at a restuarant. but of course, who would want those life where you are busying where is your next meal going to be.

because ive been through it, now my aim is to earn big bucks. retire and roam the world by the age of 45.

i think its better for me to blog in da middle of night. while blogging, there are countless phone calls and sms disrupting.

To be continued...

Signing off
with love
3.43pm

TIRED

im damn tired. need a break seriously

if only i can go overseas and relax on a holiday for a few days.

I would prefer BKK, phuket or redang.

i feel like going to a spa, looking at the sea, drinking coconut and most imptly, off my fucking phone which is ringing not stop everyday.

Signing off
Lina
354am