Sunday!

Long long time since i blog!!

School has been good for e kids. I am travelling to and fro from my house to eunos every weekdays when the kids are schooling. quite tired but i get 4 hours free time when they are in school! and time pass faster than school holidays:)

Placement for TP diploma is not here yet. But i am going to have a change of way. Instead of studying, will be heading out to work part time instead. I wanted to study so much but because of current situation, decided to work instead. Agreement of lease signed on 3rd aug. less than 4 years and we will be collecting our keys. I think it is time to buck up on our savings. After discussing with hubby, he also feels that i should work part time to help out. 

My own thoughts : i can study anytime after settling the the house. but the most critical period is now where the kids are growing = more expenses. getting new home keys = renovation cost. so using these few years to save my salary should be a better choice than heading out to study now. 

Hubby is working today! got nth much to do decided to pen down my thoughts. 

Am looking for night shift jobs. initially i wanted 6-10pm and mama to pick the kids up. after much consideration, i better don’t rely on mama in case she give me headache again. so e best way is to head out to work when hubby is back from work and the kids are sleeping. I can find my sleeping time in the afternoon when the kids are in school. I can foresee it will be tiring for me but i believe i can hang on there.

throw back to some fruitful events recently:

Met up with my dearest Serene and HY 2 weeks ago. Shopping with serene at Bugis for a few hours! fish soup for dinner and off we go to The coast @big splash for chilling time!!!!

drank a total of 2x tower! enjoyed myself v v v much!!! reached home at almost 3 am can. LOL. v happy that hubby didn’t make noise when i find some time to relax myself without the kids. as a full time homemaker, i need some time off without the kids once in a blue moon la. 

Time to cook lunch for e kids.

Signing off with love,

12.25pm

Signing agreement of lease: HDB

Haven’t been blogging recently. lol. i also not sure what am i busying with. probably the kids?

next appointment to sign agreement of lease at hdb fixed on 3rd AUG!!! it’s a SUNDAY! so hubby don’t need to take another day of leave. AHG also credited into our CPF account. the feeling damn shiok when you see your OA gonna hit 100k.

After this appointment, we will really need to buck up on our savings. and time to let the excitement died down a little because i can’t possibly be excited for the whole of 4 years right. LOL.

our timeline for BTO application:
Jan2014: apply BTO
Feb 2014 : got the ballot result
03 June : Selection of flat
02 July : AHG approved
03 Aug : Sign agreement of lease
Take keys =??????

Less than 1week to Adriel’s primary school registration. Hope everything turns out well.

Will be going to Tampines courts with my Pastor on thursday! my church mates pool in a sum of money around $600plus for me to get stuff for my current new home. they are seriously a bunch of great people. i intend to give back something like handmade cookies or cakes to show my gratitude! it’s not about the money, it is about the heart. i am blessed to have known them can. there will always be people fetching me and e kids back from service or events and they accommodate to my timing as well. lol. and they actually know my history.

Seriously, it is quite difficult to get new friends who doesn’t mind about ur past and willing to make friends with you without harbouring any other intentions. or perhaps afraid that you will have other intentions.

but of course, friends are not like besties. it is almost impossible to have new besties now because of the age liao. people usually start to have best of friends in their teenager times.

hy just got her poor feet rolled over by one car!! Rolled over can. i thank god that she has no broken bones or major aliments. just super blue black and swollen. i told her it is 不幸中的大幸。at the same time she can rest her liver and lungs for awhile also. LOL!

life is so unpredictable. I am hearing stories from people around me whose family members pass away one by one. and my dad has got 3 friends who pass away in a period of a month time. as what my mum say(in hokkien) : pai mia lang bo ah nei za si eh la. the more tough your life is the longer you will be suffering on earth. Agree or no?

been waking up on time everyday to make breakfast and lunch for hubby to bring out. but but but, once i sleep back after finishing at 7plus, i will over sleep until 10am! and all my chores pushed back to do in the evening/night. hubby come home at around 9 and we chit chat etc until 11plus. after he sleep then i get my own time to play my com. tired but the time pass much more faster than last month can.

Tmr going to ICA to submit the Form K by high commissioner of malaysia. super duper troublesome. luckily hubby got his citizenship already. I am so tortured every time when we need to go to the high commission.

so tired. gonna lurk around online and off to bed by 12.30am!!

Signing off with heavy eyelids,
12.08am

HDB AHG additional housing grant approved!

Haven’t been updating my blog because the kids are back to school after the june holidays! Without internet access at mama’s place, i am basically watching TV everyday.

one very good news from HDB yesterday!! my AHG and SHG is approved!

It is the max amount one can get. LOL. you will know how humble is our household expenses every month. Luckily that there is no additional documents or whatsoever needed by HDB. My HLE will be expiring in early september. Booked flat on 3rd june. I was so eager that I wrote in to the HDB officer to expedite my AHG and my signing of agreement of lease. gonna be troublesome to re-apply for HLE if the 2nd appointment were to fall after the HLE expire. the probable completion date should be 28feb 2018 but i dunno why the system gave 2019. anyway, One big step to my new home! HOORAY!!

not used to the kids having school back because my timing is totally different now. either i do my chores in the morning or at night after hubby fetch me back from mama’s place. Time needed for adjustments.

Another good news, I am able to get the GST voucher this year!!! but, the money is not meant for expenses, gonna put into savings for our future abode.

arranged appointment to go browhaus with mama tomorrow afternoon. I purchase a package couple of years ago and got quite a lot of balance credits there. Been dragging my feet there because of the hard selling therapist. the last time i went was not too bad, try again la huh. LOL. I spent over 1k previously. i should utilise as much as i can right? lol.


Signing off with happiness,
10.51pm

T.G.I.F

T.G.I.F everyone!

To me everyday seems to be the same lol. weekends weekdays 都没分别.

Changed a new look for my blog! Added in the old Chat box. I am amazed that I actually remember the password for Cbox account.

2 more days before the kids school start. more than half a year gone in 2014. so fast!!!! can’t wait for the kids to finish their holidays and i can get a breather.

was thinking of our family tree today. (perhaps my church is emphasising on family recently).

For me it is damn simple. I only have a grandmother who is not blood-related(my father’s step-mother). my parents and her are on very bad terms because she actually ill-treat my dad when he was young. and the 姑姑(s) are also not related by blood. no contact nothing.

My grandma treated me better than last time after I gave birth to 2 sons. LOL! she has got quite a traditional thinking la. if not last time she don’t care about me. nonetheless, i appreciate her coming from AMK all the way to Eunos almost everyday to cook for me and bring all the food she buy. She is already 80plus years old.

I rarely visit her, less than once a year? LOL. after I moved out she went to my mum’s place to find the kids but we are not at my mum’s place. My mum refused to give her my new address and told her she doesn’t know where I’m staying now. hmmmm...

anyway, back to my side of tree. my dad, mum, elder sister and one eldest step sister with grandmother. that is all we have. lol.

Hubby one is just as opposite. He has got a big family down there. Due to some reasons, we are no longer in contact la. to them perhaps I’m the damn bitchy or whatever they want to call it. I don’t like to be pretentious so i voice out whenever i get upset or angry. and partly because of this we fell out with them especially his immediate family members.

With my character it is almost impossible to live in harmony with them la. i usually don’t care how people look at me. i say whatever is not right and i don’t like others to meddle or interfere with my problems or life. even my mum she let us be on our own because i hate ppl nagging and talking just for the sake of it. I think i am the worst daughter-in-law in his whole family tree can lol!

its been almost 2 years there is no contact between hubby and his own family side. sometimes i do wonder if he will want to patch things up. but he has got no reaction lol. if u ask me, i will prefer our lives just like normal now. i don’t hate them, i just choose to ignore. ignorance is bliss isn’t it? lol!

once his eldest cousin talked to me in fb. i told him we have move on in life. and yes we don’t harp on the past, just move forward and don’t look back. like i said before, whatever they like to talk behind my back so be it.

one thing for sure i am not comfortable with. one of his relative gave the supplier our home address to allow him to come up and chase the debts. and it became the debt collector harassment saga. how great can that be LOL.

whatever it is, i believe God planned everything out. it is not for me to judge but for him to.



hubby cooked maggi goreng yesterday night. He became e chef and i was the assistant. LOL! Delicious and sinful at the same time! no amount of money can buy these kind of feel.

Time to cook dinner for the kids!

Signing off with love
4.46pm

A post to be remembered

Nothing special to blog about in my life actually. nothing interesting when I’m staying at home everyday right. Except for doing the chores, market-ing, cooking and surfing the net.

It is gonna be friday tomorrow and I should restrain myself from looking at fb at night. There will be tons of food pictures.

This sunday will be combined service at suntec for the church at 4pm. to go or not to go? 出去又要花钱. damn sian. Dress code will be white because of the pink dot on sat.

Our church pastor has been very outspoken on the pink dot LGBT issue from the start. I agree with what he means by, we are not discriminating them. we just don’t want to normalise it in singapore. I can’t help but to think for my kids and the future generations to come. I am not implying that LGBT is abnormal or whatever. ultimately they are still humans created by God. there are great people in them as well. But i am more concern to educate my kids though. not to tell them that they can choose either sex for their future partners and it is normal.

There are many many people who will definitely shoot me back la. but wait till you have kids and u tell me if that will be acceptable ya?

I am waiting patiently for 2 important letters to come. Signing agreement of lease from HDB and offer letter from temasek poly.

Pulling myself out of bed at 5.30am every morning to make hubb breakfast and lunch for him to bring to work. luckily i am able to sleep back after i finished. and he is gaining weight for sure. LOL. imagine his breakfast is 3 pieces of bread with cheese and egg with ALOT of mayo(he requested), and lunch is 2x normal portion of rice with fried yong tau fu or nuggets etc. Whatever it is, it is still healthier than hawker food.

I seldom eat out nowadays, cannot take the overloaded MSG and salt. ate the curry rice with serene and hy at bedok inter and for the rest of the day i feel so dehydrated.

now i know why i lost 10+kg since i become a stay-at-home-mum. I cook for my own meals and i use much much lesser oil. if you are reading my blog and want to lose weight, this is what i do:

Boil my own pork bone or chicken stock. put into the fridge and remove all the oil e next day (it will be floating up). When you are hungry, take some stock, put in the ingredients u like to eat, for me is usually yong tau fu or mince chicken/pork with tang hoon or beehoon and lots and lots of vege.

Cheap, healthy and don’t need to starve. LOL!!!

For a start i actually didn’t plan to lose weight. slowly when i realise my weight is dropping. then i decided to have a target weight of 50kg and will stop. its getting stuck at 53 and i give up on dieting.

Actually 很简单，没钱自然会瘦。

that explains when i was earning the most i am a whooping 65kg! didn’t think of dieting at that time la. earning money was the important thing in my mind! until when become broke then feel that i should be keeping myself in shape. i don’t want people to say “你看，她好像auntie酱。才24岁 leh”. without money as sense of security, this is the best thing i can give to myself.

i was “reminiscing” last year events when we just close the company. that was a crazy period for us! really grateful that I’ve been through that transition period and i dunno how we did that. When you decided enough is enough, you close the company stop all the earnings and dunno where your next meal will fall on where and at the same time you have got HEAVY debts behind you.

Within 1 month, hubby got himself a job and I took the kids out of the private childcare and enrolled them into government’s kindergarten. we did a 180 degrees change in lifestyle and i try my best to adapt to it. the most difficult issue to handle is the debts. and damn the debt collector hired by suppliers. they gave me hell of a time.

Up till now, debts are still not totally cleared yet. but slowly and steadily it is progressing. and i thank god that everything is falling into place now.

Some might ask, why close down such a good business? to be honest, we actually wanted to close back in 2012. held back and the debts started to roll and roll. the ball gets bigger and bigger until i decided to stop. too many “events” going on that period of time. I don’t blame anyone except myself. whatever it is, there is actually solution to a negative business. I just got too emotional. Anyway, that was the past and what is important is the present and future. the reason i am penning it down because i can read back maybe 5 or 10 years later? lol. Getting rich in future or not, 我不强求. perhaps just a moderate lifestyle with stable income.

Since my blog is now open to public. there will be people who read and judge me. go ahead and judge whatever you can. lol. I have the guts to write down all these and i don’t care how you gonna see me. Sorry but i am not someone who paints a beautiful portrait of my life trying to make people jealous or envy la.

突然间，我觉得我的我的生命就像：

Signing off with memories,

1.45pm

Life at peace

Not much of happening over the weekend. lol.

Church on sat and back to mum place on Sunday. Supposed to bring the kids to pasir ris park on Sunday with hubby. but the scorching sun is really too much for us.

Lunch with the girls yesterday was great! although a simple lunch at coffeeshop, it is still enjoyed very much. lol. I am grateful and blessed to have 2 wonderful girls in my life. we sort each other advices regardless of small or big issues. Because we know that we will have the true advices. we don’t fake ourselves and give advices which are nice to the ear but doesn’t benefit at all. Some people who like to boasts about the number of friends they have, how good the friendship is etc. It is just a show to others lol. we don’t take photos often and post in social media to tell the world we are best of the best friends. LOL. What good does it do to tell the whole world about having so many friends but none are true?

Kids are starting their school soon and back to the busy life again. the thought of travelling to Tampines and walking 10 mins journey to Adriel’s DAS school every sat morning puts me off seriously. But for the sake of his education, I need to endure!!!! Just 1 term of tuition 2 hours every week, he can write sentences and read. before he start, he can’t even read a simple word like dog or cat.

What happened to him is that he is a dyslexic child. It is not some kind of illness or what. It is a difficulty in reading and his brain works differently from majority of the children. Thank God that he is consider a mild case and I noticed it early.

Last year, while I was coaching him at home with assessment books, i nearly bang the wall because he simply does not understand what i am talking about. Even with simple words like he, she,we, he can’t remember the first word after few seconds. I admit I was stressed and at the same time I stressed him out as well. I realised that he have a problem there and I approached my step sister who have 2 children in primary school.

She told me her daughter is dyslexic and I research more on it. I monitored for 1 month and i had a strong feel that he is. brought him to a private psychologist and spend about 700 for the diagnostic test and report. straight away we was told that there are signs of dyslexia in him.

I was relieved actually. because at least I know why he has got low self esteem and having problems with reading and spelling. I apply him to get into DAS (dyslexia association of Singapore) which is funded by gvt. waited for almost half a year before placement into Tampines branch.

The monthly fees is crazily high at 700 plus per term. Which is 230 per month. Thank God my bursary application got approved and I’m paying 10% of what is required.

During the process of getting him to the psychologist everything, I met with many obstacles. Hubby was e one who supported me throughout the whole process. He encouraged me tgt with my sister. Really appreciate it very much.

The kindergarten school especially, persuading me that Adriel is alright. If he is dyslexic then a lot of students will be already etc. Even after getting the report, Principal called and advice me not to place him into the intervention programme by DAS, worrying the stigma of having labelled as dyslexic by others. I appreciate the school giving advices but I believe my own observation and the professional report.

I talked to many parents at DAS, some actually only got in this year and their kids are in primary 6 already! one of them actually know something is wrong at primary 3. but teachers said it is alright, have to practice more and study more etc. keep dragging until primary 5 and got kan chiong because PSLE is near. the mum finally brought her to psychologist and found out it is dyslexia. the mum regretted so much not to stand on own beliefs. And the poor girl is struggling up till now and have so much to catch up.

Actually Lee Kuan Yew have dyslexia as well. so it doesn’t mean having dyslexia is not smart. lol!!

If i get offer from Temasek Poly, i will need time management to monitor the kid’s homework etc. at the same time doing my own. LOL!! Both are equally important though. At least I will graduate when the eldest one in primary 2. Which is still their honeymoon period of primary school.

overslept today and didn’t cook breakfast and lunch for hubby! i need to stop my 赖床 habit!!!

Signing off with lots of things in mind,
2.44pm

Enduring through low point of life

Gonna send out the documents to Temasek poly today!

I pray hard that I will get a placement.

Was at mum’s place yesterday and enjoyed a few rounds of mahjong with sis and mum=D  Sis getting married in Oct and many preparation to be done these few months. She is looking forward to having her own family soon. and of course she is planning for her bb right after marriage. Gave her some experiences I had in family/marriage life but sort of diff because she gets the normal route to the next phase of life. Apply BTO, get married, move in to new house and get a baby. For me is the other way round, Have baby, get married, apply BTO and move in to new house. LOL!!!

Hubby and I got married about 1 year after we got together. Which means I was pregnant after 6 months tgt. Crazy right?! I felt that I must be crazy when I am only 16 years old. LOL!!

Recently got to know that one of my friend got pregnant with her long relationship boyfriend. CONGRATS man! Age seriously doesn’t matter, it depends on our own maturity. I believe she will have a great time ahead creating her own family. And my prayers will be with her and her little one :)

As the post title says, I am trying my very best to stay positive with all the endurance needed for the current situation. Trying to make the best out of the worst situation.

I believe as a woman, it is ok to go through rich and poor with my family. I just need the man to be supportive and to go through all these in harmony. Most family bonds broke because of financial difficulties, quarrels, fights between the 2 adults often begins with $$$$$. I try my best to prevent simply cause I came from a family with this bloody problem. And it seriously made a damn big impact in my life.

I don’t believe in fairytale. Those looks-like-perfect relationship only happens in drama.

Contacted one of my old customer who is a property agent to check out for my friend. Surprisingly he still remember me! I did his mum’s place 3 years back and he came back to me when his got his own place but too bad I was not in the industry already.

I am a person who enjoys knowing people from different walks of life. It made my connections wider and boosts my knowledge and communication skills. Hubby said to me before my mouth is non-stop kind. LOL. I can talk about everything under the sun. and i love doing it.

Now, when I am not able to do so, I BLOG!!! When you have so much words to say, the best thing to turn to is my computer. Adriel and Beldon is too young to understand what I am talking to as well. Big Thanks to the good people who gave me the IMAC. I believe apple captured an alien, it is amazing! LOL.

Still waiting patiently for my AHG letter from HDB to sign the agreement of lease. once we collect keys in 2018, the rental unit will have to return to hdb within 4 months. its quite rushing for me i feel. lol.

Neighbours here are good and it is quite convenient with lots of shops just opposite my current flat. Hopefully punggol will be as convenient huh. With e shopping centre near to the development I chose ,it is definitely a plus point.

We chose to give up on the previous one we balloted back in 2011, Waterway Ridges. Given the income that time we had no grant no cpf contributions. Monthly instalment is almost 1.3k for a 4 room flat. We got a good queue number and paid the deposit before cancelling.

Luckily we did not sign the AOL that round, if not we will need to pay 5% of purchase price!!! and it is almost impossible to service the mortgage loan given the current situation and it will strain us out slogging through that 30 years.

Changing to a 3 room flat with grants will only require less than 50% of what we are going to pay for the 4 room. Gonna be much smaller but i believe we can make do with it.



I saw a photo in FB which I nearly fainted. I was so DAMN BLOODY FAT!! This is taken in 2011.

And

this taken in bkk 2011

Slightly better in 2012

And finally much more better now

Ok i admit the last photo is edited with lightings. BUT 没有 EDIT FACE HOR!

I look much like a human now. I gave birth in 2009 to beldon. HOW THE HELL DID I GET SO FAT AFTER 2 FUCKING YEARS OF CHILDBIRTH!!

When i was so tempted to cook maggi at 12am yesterday, I saw these pics and I gave up the idea, went to sleep. because I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT PIG LOOK!

This is how hubby and i look like in 2006. Im 16 and he is 22. how time flies right. if only i get get back to the 16-year-old figure. Hubby looks so young too!! he is ageing fast now because of the stress lol!

enough of pictures of me. LOL!

lets see the kids photo to bring back e appetite for today’s dinner

想当年我们驾的马赛地。。。

LOL. i think hubby will miss that period of time:)


Endurance while struggling. making the best out of the worst=D

Stay positive everyone!

Signing off,
with mixed feelings
2.39pm

Charging forward to my dream

Congrats to my dearest Serene on passing her exams!! one big step forward to pursuing her dreams! and also hy graduating from NAFA.

 Although we wasted the initial part of our studying-life in sec school, doesn't mean that we are not able to excel. Life isn’t a bed of roses for us, but we put in all our effort for a better future. we don't have the privilege to study and NOT working. we don’t have the means to just enrol ourselves into an overseas college. we slog through and to be financially independent while pursuing studies. we should be proud of ourselves right! LOL

 I decided to apply for diploma at TP which will be commencing in Oct. took me some effort to persuade hubby for his consent. or probably argue should be a better word. lol. some rules he set upon before he gave me the support. and mama will be looking after the kids at my own house when i have my lessons. but again, i will still be waiting for the offer letter after i submit my particulars. I believe God will have it all planned out for me.

 “Do not let fear become the obstacle of your life” Because of this sentence, i decided to charge forward to what I am afraid of. I was taken aback by the thoughts of studying. I do not know whether will I be able to do it given the ability now. I cannot afford to fail and remodel, not even a single subject. it will take me 2.5years to complete the diploma and hopefully everything will be good.

 I was watching the testimony of Huang guo lun, a taiwan artiste, and i realise no one is too late for chasing our own dreams. IF YOU NEVER TRY, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.

 will be registering Adriel to primary school next month. parents of his classmates envy my age as they are 12 years older than me on average. But i told them, there are many sacrifices when you have your kids at a young age. for me, it was 17years old when i am pregnant with Adriel. Seriously, the road is NOT easy at all. Thank God I managed to walk through all these years.

 Signing off with a determined heart, 12.20pm

Beautiful Sunday

Boss is working today so here i am at home with the kids. Yesterday night had a good session at church with a real funny speaker. the title of the sermon was " how to live with a husband who is so weird". LOL. it got me thinking through the night to improve on my marriage-hood.

Submissive to husband is not inferiority or passivity. I FULLY AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT. And Man always want woman to look inferior to boost their own self-esteem.

 The speaker shared about what a husband/partner needs. Put it simple, they just need encouragement and support. For eg. When e man comes home with a problem, we will always say " you see la, i tell you already. blah blah blah". this will spoil the communication between both parties. Agree or no? 

anyway, i believe all man needs some kind of encouragement and support no matter how strong they are. when they come home with a problem, we think of a solution together and not trying to reprimand them for the things which already happened. the speaker add on, of course is not that we turn a blind eye to all the mistakes our partner does. we just have to talk at the right time with the right tone.

 yeah, sometimes when man have affair outside. it is not necessary that the adulteress is prettier or sexier, perhaps she can be the worst looking woman on earth. but she is able to give the man the feel of his own self-worthiness which at home he will be facing the mother-like-wife who pull them down whenever they can.

 Speaker said: woman, respect your husband/partner. Men, love your wife. I agree no more with this statement. Love and respect is mutual. I believe if a man loves his partner, she will definitely give the deserved respect.

 Having said that, I am no saint to perfect my marriage-hood.but rather, to improve it as we goes along. Having strong thoughts to go back to study. targeting at diploma in BA at TP. need a serious discussion to see what hubby thinks of this as well. there are many areas which need to be taken care of before i can squeeze out the time.

 Because i am a stay-at-home-mum doesn't mean I'm free LOL. instead, it is often a busy day for me. And having someone to take over my roles for 3 evenings a week isn't easy. hope discussion with hubby will be a fruitful one. I am suspecting my ability to study now. LOL. thats why the hesitation on the idea for studying. Its been donkey years since I had an exam, i wonder if the brain will function properly.

 Moving into a new house of our own after 8years of marriage was not an easy task. Thank God there are many helpful friends around us who gave us support, the encouragement, the gifts and the help. You guys will never be forgotten *smiles*

 Finally it seems that I am settling well emotionally. Initially, it feels strange with just e kids and me most of the time. because back at my mum's place, my sis and mum are around quite often. After awhile, i got used to it and a new lease of life begins! LOL. having our own place definitely boosts the communication between hubby and me.

 Signing off with lots of love, 2.29pm

back to blogging

I was looking for my labour story and dig out this full-of-spider webs-blog. Reading through all the posts since 2007,I am full of emotions. There are just so much Ive been through and I didn't even realise I was that strong! LOL

 Decided to make the blog public accessible. and of course back to blogging frequently. At last 10 years later, I can read back on my own post and its like going through a memory lane. Blogging with a different situation now. back to stay-at-home-mum role taking care of my two little ones. previous business closed down and bye-bye to all the extravagant lifestyle.

 hubby got himself a down-to-earth job taking home a humble pay every month. If i were to ask myself will i miss the lifestyle in the past, i would say not all but just some. I miss the times where we don't have to worry about where our next meal will be. having more than enough every month instead of just making ends meet now. But again, having more than enough doesn't mean rich. e more u have, e more u spend.

 Ive been through the ups and downs of life and indeed it make me stronger every time. I STRONGLY believe that there will be a chance for us to leave poverty very soon. and we will be able to do it!! As for now, we just have to keep a healthy mindset, taking whatever is coming. good thing is I'm blessed with the current relationship with my hubby and the kids. been a homemaker for 1.5years and the kids are growing much healthier with stronger family bonds.

 But then again, I believe e man will want to excel more in his life. probably the time isn't right yet. 

the failure this time round is a painful lesson and a having big impact on my life. BUT but but. I am not going to bow down to fate or whatever u call it. I have never give up on myself again just waiting for the right time. slowly clearing the debts one by one. although it seems to be never-ending.

Im holding on to that day which we are debt-free. always have the strong urge to head back to workforce but the situation doesn't permit. I will endure another 1.5 years when the kids will be in primary school!!

 its june holidays for the kids and I'm basically rotting at home almost everyday *CRIES*

My 1st operation

Decided to pen down my wisdom tooth operation experience:)

It all started with my lower left jaw having swollen gums and inflammation. After bearing for few days, I went to a dentist(phobia!!!) to have an XRay. And yes it is wisdom tooth growing in a wrong direction. Another good news is that it is super near the nerves and normal dentist can't get it done. I need to go to a specialist or hospital.

Decided to take out all 4 at once with GA.

Reached Alexandra hospital at 7.30am. Did some documentation procedure and head over to my ward. Changed to surgerygown, took out all jewellery and head to 3rd floor. Where the op theatre is.

The oral surgeon came explaining to me about all the risk and blah blah blah. Risk was 1percent. Meaning 99% safe. After that proceed to the op theatre and hubby went off. The Anaestetist came in as well. I was super nervous once I lie down on the operating bed. Total nurses about 10. 1 oral surgeon and 1 anaesthetist. How not to nervous!!

The anaesthetist then find my vein at hand to insert the needle with rubber tubing. Again, my phobia. Luckily he was v skillfully. I seriously don't feel any pain at all. By this time there are machines stickin on my chest area, hand and blood pressure monitoring.

He then took a super big syringe of white milky liquid and start to insert into my vein. The nurses told me she will later give me something to breathe in. Abt 30secs after the liquid was injected into me, the anaesthetist asked" do u feel sleepy?". I remembered my eyes was closing when I answered back "ya". And then straight away knock out.

When I woke up I am already at the recovery room. The nurse woke me up. And here my nightmare begins!!!!! My GA wears off totally!!! And I was in great great pain. My tears flowing and I can't talk. It feels like someone is taking a knife to cut my mouth. I used hand signal to let the nurse know that Im in pain. Anaesthetist then came back to inject me with dunno what and insert pill through behind.

I'm still in pain. Was being tortured for 20mins. Then they pushed me to my ward for me to rest. By then I felt much better. I was still on drip AT that time and my mouth was super numb. The feeling sucks to the core.

I slept on and off while waiting and nurses came to wash my mouth and change the gauze inside my mouth regularly.

About 1plus the oral surgeon came. He told me just now when the white milky substance was injected to me, my heartbeat race super fast!! To an extend it was a dangerous situation. They thought that I'm allergic to the drug and nearly wanted to call for emergency. Until I fell asleep and it went back to normal. It was just me nervous. Hahaha

He also mentioned that normally after GA the patient will not feel pain still. Normally will continue sleeping. I'm one of the rare one who experience severe pain once I woke up.

After that prepare for discharge le! Requested to bring home my wisdom tooth and packed my things. Bill came up
To 1.9k and they will send me a bill by 4 weeks time. Waited for Hubby till 3pm an he fetch me home.

Reach home eat medicine and off I went to bed. The medicine is super drowsy. After eating sure need to sleep.

Today is the 1st day after op. Woke up with a hamburger face and super pain mouth. Straight away eat medicine and now drowsily lying on bed. Yesterday ate few mouths of porridge, few mouths of meesua and half cup of ice Milo. Today dunno what to eat!!!

To be continued....

Friends

Again, this is a wordy post.

Some happenings between my sistas and I got known of it yesterday. I hope things doesnt sour anyone of our friendship:(

We are turning 21 this year and it isnt a short route to today. We pontang classes tgt, we have our reccess time tgt, we quarrel with people, we cry tgt, we go through ups and downs. No amount of money can buy us all these memories. Even until today I'm married, I still keep in mind that I have my sistas around me and the memories and happenings we had together. Of course, we dont spend so much time like before, but once we meet up, we dont feel stranger at all and yet pour out all our sorrows and happiness and GOSSIP! hahaha.

I dont feel like seeing out clique having short of anyone else. (though i always put aeroplane, my soul is still with u guys!) LOL. I only have sistas which is countable by 1 hand. I hope u guys treasure each other well too:)

Of course, Im in no position to comment about the issue happening now. But what i hope is seeing things like before. To my dear sister, S , whatever you do, you know i will respect you, but please open your eyes big big k? I guess you know what's happening now, its just that you are running away. But whatever it is, most imptly is that you are happy, good enough. its just plain advice on my part. Real sorry that I didnt have much time to talk or meet u as I really have busy work schedule. I do hope you take good cares of yourself.

Anyway, i hope all lovers in the world can you qing ren zhong chen quan shu.

Signing off,

Lina

Sigh..

Again. I only blog when I'm sad, angry or upset...

Let's talk about today. A fucking day I've been through.

Early morning, my mum scream at me the moment I open my eyes. How nice to begin the day with. Her normal days of going to temple is only on wed night, Lunar 14th and 30th. And today, being a thursday, she said she have to go and sign some documents. And that was like last minute notice when I'm having customers at 7pm. WTF!! Ok, I quarrelled with her and she insisted on her way. What to do? When she ask me "去找别人带啦！＂。I LAN LAN! Was very pissed off, and waiting for hubby to reach home and fetch me to golden mile, to meet a customer who is going to sign deal.

Was "welcomed" with a not-v-happy face of his. And along the journey, I was v upset, did not talk or say anything. I suppose he did not realize. Quite disappointed that he didn't realize I am very troubled and unhappy. At that moment, I felt so lonely.....

Upon reaching customer, I need to throw away all my emotions, put on a smiley face and act as if I'm v happy. Fuck it. It was a long discussion of 2 hrs. But still, my customer signed the deal. During the 2 hrs, Hubby went off to do some stuff and ask him to do something, kena fucked. 1 hr later, he called and ask me how long more I will take. I told him 30mis more. So he waited at the carpark for the last 30-45 mins. Kena F again. How great!!!!!!!

This time round, he is pissed off. Went to geylang eat handmade noodle for lunch at 3pm. Upon reaching, he sat down, took money from him ask him what he want to eat. I can't hear him due to the noisy surrounding and his soft voice. I said "huh?" Kena F attitude again.

5pm I have another customer. On the way going, keep calling and answering phone. When we are reaching desination, kena shout again.

Reach home, night time, I was on my com working, shouted and ask me to give Adriel and beldon eat Chinese medicine bought from Yu yan SENG. This time round, I SHOUTED back. Ok. Beggining of war. Given a man's fucking ego, this is sure to be a big fight. Indeed. It was.

I've told him, I shout at my mum, I kena F, I shout at him, kena F. Then who can I shout at!! All of u only know how to scold me. I cannot scold back, because I never scold back de. I mean humans have a level of tolerance. You all can't expect me to always swallowing down. At home, I need to 忍， outside customer I also need to 忍.. Find me a psycharist then!!!! I think I would need one. Very soon.

Anyway, I'm here lying on bed while he is sleeping. I know I got to apologize anyway. Sometimes I apologize doesn't mean I agree with you. But more to give and take, there ought to be someone giving in, if not how long will this cold war be? I believe alot of ppl disagree with my philosophy. But wait until u get married and then you will know how impt is ur family.

If I knew that by shouting a few words will cause such chaotic mess. I would hve swallow the words down.

Sometimes I find the poorer days have one kind of happiness which I miss now...

I feel like seeing a psycharist now... The stress is killing me.....

Hectic week...

I'm lying on the bed blogging. With the lights off and cooling aircon. Time now is 427am. And I need to wake up at 6.30am. Ah!!!!

It's going to be a very busy saturaday for me. Customers from 7am to 7pm. Without break time! Sunday got customer summore. Omg. This is killing me....

Anyway, it's good to have more work=more money. I'm turning 21 in just 6 more months. And I need to buy a house. How great!!!

Trip to Malaysia last month wasn't what I was anticipating all along. I was so eager for that short trip till I couldn't sleep the night before. The best things about the trip should be visiting ah gong, Going on a plane after donkey years and shopping in duty free shops in airport. Did I mention I bought 20pieces of SK2 mask at a freaking price of 190SGD?? OMG. I was damn happy. Back to Malaysia, Hubby and I was eating and eating evry day. The most boring thing is to wait for ppl to fetch us with car etc, it is not like sg where transport is so damn easy. And not to mention the law and order comparing to sg.

After staying at Malaysia for that 4nights, I really miss Singapore. On the 1st night, I miss my kids alr. And then it was so boring that I told Hubby we should have cut short our trip.

I feel that I am really an alien when comparing to Malaysia girls(I mean those who stay there for long). I waste food(just like serene), I hurl vulgarities and I smoke(just like Huiyu), I don't like to do housework (maybe like all of my sistas?), I drink. And I see alot of them are like so damn fucking good. I feel that I'm perfectly normal when comparing to my sistas. But over there, I feel like I'm out of place. Example, I was at coffeeshop, then I took out a ciggy to smoke, all the aunties were staring as if I got a shit on my head. I related the incident to hubby's cousin, and guess what. He said: " 女孩子抽烟一定很多人看的ma＂. I'm like WTF? In Singapore, you see all woman of diff levels smoking like crazy.

I told Hubby too, if Ahma ask me to do housework he will do. Hahahahaha. Say I'm pampered if u wan la, I don't give a damn. The reason is to enjoy myself and relax. Not go there to strress myself! Anyway, ahma asked Hubby whether I know how to cook. Hubby straight answer"she dunno how to cook!". Well done Hubby!! Haha.

One more thing, hubby's uncle said, elderly is always right. They are the 长辈so we must listen to them. I beg to differ. I must say that is not they are always right. But of course we have to respect them, not to the extend of following what exactly they say. Humans tend to make mistakes. So how do u say that he or she will be always right? I feel that the man there are more ego, maybe is because the education system or was it a tradition?? Hmmm...

If I'm god, I would have created all men without ego.

I conclude that I'm still suitable city lifestyle. Kill me if you want me to stay there.

Now I'm thinking of going to bkk. Jetstar Sale is here. And is freaking cheap. But Hubby don't seem to have the intention of going though. We shall see la. Because of the mal trip, I worked through the night for 3 days. If I'm gg to bkk, then I think I need to do that again!!!!

Ok. I'm going to sleep now.

Night peeps.

Signing off,
Lina
453am

TGIF

again. fucking tired.

how come things are not going smoothly!! i guess this is the path when you are doing business. tend to be unlucky at times when things start to screw up.

"there are damn lots of huge obstacle when we just carved out. what's this man!" I consoled myself.

sometimes i wished the money can drop from the sky. and i can enjoy myself to the max.

but i know, i need to work hard, to get out of poverty. which means, having only maggi or 2 fucking bucks for the whole family meal. buying milkpowder when it is just the last feed left. searching all over the house to look for any diapers. drooling saliva when passing by restuarants.

but Ironically, those times were kind of happier. at least over a special event when we get to dine at a restuarant. but of course, who would want those life where you are busying where is your next meal going to be.

because ive been through it, now my aim is to earn big bucks. retire and roam the world by the age of 45.

i think its better for me to blog in da middle of night. while blogging, there are countless phone calls and sms disrupting.

To be continued...

Signing off
with love
3.43pm

TIRED

im damn tired. need a break seriously

if only i can go overseas and relax on a holiday for a few days.

I would prefer BKK, phuket or redang.

i feel like going to a spa, looking at the sea, drinking coconut and most imptly, off my fucking phone which is ringing not stop everyday.

Signing off
Lina
354am

Sleepless night

Lying on the bed, can't get to sleep. Thinking blogging might be a good way to send me off to dreamland.

Hubby sis is pregnant and getting married soon. I was recalling the day when I know Im having Adriel, it struck me hard as though there is no tmr.

Anyway I'm happy for her and her baby, especially when there are dozens of people worrying and preparing her marriage. Thinking back, I was frantically preparing my Big Day when I was just 17. Thats th diff when u are getting a son in law or daughter in law Checking all over the net to do everything wasn't an easy task too. Hubby was working all day and night to earn money. I knew he was the man Im looking for.

However, good things don't always come in pair. I still remember how people dress as though they are going to coffeeshop on my solemnisation day. Shows that you don't give a bloody damn. Whatever. Maybe you would say I'm thankful to have you all as my witnesses to my solemnisation with fake smile. Sorry I don't. And I seriously think you should look how stupid you are. Look down on us and I don't give a damn.

Imagine if your daughter were to be look down on now? Saying that guy's family doesn't want too many people to know about the marriage? How funny is that huh. Nonetheless, I still respect them as my elders. Just feel like ranting my thoughts since my blog is very unknown.

I'm thankful to my Hubby for giving me such a wonderful family.
I'm thankful to my sistas who support me and present on my day.
I'm thankful to the hubby's bro who borrow the car and drive us there.
I'm thankful to the photographer who took down the beautiful moments
I'm thankful to everyone who came with their blessings.

I'm thankful that I have you as my Hubby.


Work is still forever so hectic.

Got our new car already!! Everytime I see the car I know, it's time to move further up. Even if we drop one day, I know we will climb higher, steadier the 2nd time.

My TP will be on 29jan. Switch to school already. It's cheaper since I need only 8 lesson to TP. And i can roam around freely in the circuit! Which is a killer.

Ok. Got to sleep now.

Signing off at 351am.

LALALA

Driving lesson today again. was pouring and i overslept can!! Instructor was waiting below my block for half an hr. i woke up when he called me saying he will be coming though. nice sleep, but not enough. haha.

Employment agent came my hse and settle some stuff. some subcon came to collect cheque from me too.

Had a long chat with my dear sista, SERENE YOW. on msn. good laugh man. she said her face is expanding horizontally. burst into laughter!

Hubby is sleeping. seems like he is tired back from work. project got to rush, poor thing. Ordered Nonya Delivery, takes them 2 hrs!! kns. im still waiting for it to arrive.

Hubby ask me to call for tingkat catering. my mum doesnt cook, so eating out everyday is killing us on the mind! thinking of what and where to eat practically everyday! going for the trial at neogarden for about 100bucks for 10D. if ok, will be taking monthly 3dishes+1soup for 3pax. which my kids can eat too. dont have to think of what to eat alr!! only weekends then eat out ah.

My phone keeps jamming. wtf. i think i need to change phone alr.

Tomorrow might be meeting serene for brunch. i scared i cannot wake up leh!! haha. but definitely going to rebond my hair at bugis. I need some maintainence for my hair. CUI TTM!

Beldon is with my neighbour and adriel is sleeping. i guess its time for my nap also!

Signing off,
Lina
8.02pm

Mid Autumn Festival

Today is the lantern festival!!

its a super duper boring night anyway.

Woke up at 8 despite the short hours of sleep. reach hillview at 9am.

went back home after work is done and did some arrangement of jobs and phone calls before off to nap. woke up in the afternoon and went to guan yin temple to pray for an amulet for my TP day.

back home aftermath.

7pm another customer again. Went back home fetch 2 little boys and off we go to in-law place. Ate dinner, watch tv and back home.

Ends my boring day.

Had an arguement with hubby over a fucking pacifier. dont know how come i lost control of my temper. knn. doesnt look like me though. i think it is PMS. every few days of the month always like that. si beh sians. damn hot tempered throughout the whole day. keep feeling sleepy and tired and always hungry. FMLx10

Beldon is sitting on my lappy now while blogging. haha.

If hubby were to read my blog. I hope he understand my PMS though. give way to me for that mere few days of the month la hur.

I start to love blogging again. its the time where i can voice out my sorrows, happiness and stress. The very little time of the day where my mind is recalling the past events and my thoughts.

anyway, that day mum told one of her close frens(husband and wife,which is also my "uncle,auntie") that we are going to get MB C180. Response was ' Giant those MB figurine har', LMAO. suprisingly, i wasnt angry or upset over the comment. its just that i think the reply can be phrase better.

i dont care what people is going to say or comment (Im sure there is alot). As long as im happy with my life:)

My philosophy of life: Today, you can be on Top of the World, Tomorrow you can be Upside Down.
Dont look down on others when they are in bad shape, neither can you think too highly of yourself when you have a little bit of acheivement. THE WORLD IS ROUND:)

Blogging thru phone

My first time blogging through iPhone:)) I guess more posts coming in in future.

Working at home now and having driving license at 4pm. Can't sleep yesterday night though. Some images and scenes keep repeating in my mind!! WTF. It shouldn't be so.

My mum is complaining again!! Of no freedom etc. Haiz. Because I'm having a lot of driving lesson lately. And she, on random, will need to go out do this do that. Argh!!

Hubby is out for work. And i'm gg to prepare myself for TP on 11/10. He said he will drive the car and wait for me at CDC. Lol! He doesn't have a license! He is mad. Anyway, I don't want to hold high hopes. I will tear if I fail then.

Ok. Off to work:)